In his paper "Family Romances", Freud penned a particular stage
he observed in young children the FAMILY
ROMANCE FANTASY. In the latency period, children devise
a common scenario; they imagine that their family had adopted
them and that their 'real' family is waiting for them elsewhere.
As children start to separate from their parents, they become
anxious over their conflicting feelings of love and hate. They
resolve this by constructing a separate set of parents with more
NOBLE characteristics. Freud
points out that generally speaking, these parents are
"(...) nothing more than slightly disguised
versions of the child's parents as they appeared to him in younger
years." 1
The popularity of adoption themes in myth, literature and fairy
tales allow us to reclaim early, idealized images of our parents
when we do not want to face the everyday reality of the parents
we have. 2 Whereas a child who lives with
her/his biological parents can escape in fantasy, eventually s/he
is forced to live with the fact that the parents that s/he loves
and the parents that s/he hates are the one and the same. This
encourages the amalgamation of warring feeling in relationships.
3
However, the adopted child does have two sets of parents, even
though one of them may be unknown. The adoptee may project their
negative feelings onto the birth parents and positive feelings
onto the adoptive or designate one set as the 'bad' parents and
the other as the 'good' parents. Two sets of parents makes it
easier to re-direct unpleasant feelings but it avoids the difficult
task of learning to live with people toward whom one feels ambivalent
at times. 4
1 ADOPTION FROM THE INSIDE OUT: A PSYCHOANALYTIC
PERSPECTIVE, Paul M.Brinich, in Psychology of Adoption,
Edited by David. M. Brodzinky & Marshall D. Schechter Oxford University
Press: New York, 1990 (p.44)